I Was Reckless

She thought I was thoughtless,
but she could never know,
In truth I was reckless,
from my destruction I will grow.

She thought I was thoughtless only when I found the center in my world that demanded my focus.  It hurt to know that no matter how much I loved her, she only loved the part of me that was weak.  When I found strength in my conviction, she turned from me, never to return.

But she could never know, that my mind was always on her, even when times were hardest on our love for each other.  It hurt to know that when I became my strongest, she was her weakest and could not have me.  Then she found another, who in weakness provided her an outlet she had lost in me.

In truth I was reckless, that night I spent popping pills on the couch.  I did not care to end myself, only to sleep thoughtless of her.  Too bad the mind is stronger than doctors sometimes, and my mind would not stop.  Then the authorities came, and to protect me they took me away.

From my destruction I will grow beyond her, I will live a life unfettered by the bounds of doubt and self loathing.  I will succeed and strive forward where she held me back.  I will be me, I will love again.